Garden tours, zines, and vulnerability, oh my!
My first zine!
This past weekend I opened my home, garden, and growing dome to the Denman Island Home and Garden Tour. We hosted 731 visitors over two days through our indoor and outdoor living spaces to give them a peek at Gulf Island living. It was wonderful and busy and ane the feeling in the air was festive. The proceeds of this event go to the Denman Island Conservancy, a great cause.
About two months before the event I awoke around 3 am with a heavy case of imposter syndrome. Who did I think I was to be on the tour?? Our garden is in many ways beginning again. Just starting to come back from five years of restoring this old cottage. Surely folks would want to tour more interesting properties with more perfect gardens. I regretted volunteering and was sure that inviting folks down our driveway and into our lives would be a waste of their precious time. The mind can be such a dangerous (and mean) neighborhood left unchecked.
I knew that it was far too late to back out and that I really did not want to. I went to my sketchbook journal and started playing trying to work out my fear (False Evidence Appearing Real). The idea of creating a zine came forward. For anyone who is not familiar with zines here is a definition:
A zine (pronounced ZEEN) is short for "fanzine" and is usually a small-batch, independently published work that circulates less than 1,000 copies. Anyone can be a zinester (aka "someone who creates a zine"), and most people make zines for the love of creating rather than for seeking a profit. In general, a zine is a pamphlet-like publication that can include text, images, artwork, found objects, or any other creative material that helps to express the author's message.
The zine I created was to remind myself of my own values around gardening. I began with my gardening manifesto and then added my artwork, a few personal stories, some quotes, an herbal tea recipe, and a call to action.
I love art for this. Creating this zine provided me with the reminder that my garden was absolutely ready to be shared. As is. Perfectly imperfect. The making of this zine helped me find my courage by reminding me of my values in a very visual way. I used the creation process to meet my fear and imposter syndrome head-on. The PROCESS of creating it brought clarity and allowed me to articulate my values in such a nourishing way that I found my way back to my centre, processed my fear, and transmuted it into a piece of work that I adore.
I made some photocopies of the Garden Zine and made it available to be read by the visitors as they toured through our home and garden. Putting it out in full view felt very vulnerable. Risky.
Many folks walked right by it with zero interest in it. Even that became a great practice for not taking it personally. I reminded myself over and over that the intention for the making of this zine was to meet my own imposter syndrome around being on the tour and it had done that with authority.
This kind of art is not for everybody. Just like the yoga I offer does not appeal to everybody or working together to remove limiting beliefs and past programming is not for everybody. That is not a rejection of ME. We are all unique. Our needs and interests are vast.
During the tour, my partner noticed that when folks walked down the forest path and entered our garden gate some made a beeline for the growing dome. Others headed straight to the gardens to commune with the plants. Some went right into our cottage to have a look around. Different interests for different folks. We loved connecting with each person based on our shared interests. If some were not so interested in the dome, I did not take it personally. If others spent all of their visit wandering through the gardens rather than the cottage, I understood that was where their interests lay. This helped me not to take it personally when many picked up the zine and then put it right back down.
There is big vulnerability when we take the risk of putting our creative offerings out in the world for all to see. No matter whether that is your home, garden, painting, pottery, writing, cooking creations, or a humble zine. It takes courage. I bow my head with my hand to my heart for all the brave souls I experience at Farmer’s Markets and craft fairs and art galleries and pottery studios, and those in recording studios - who bravely put their heART out there as an offering. Wow wow wow. I SEE you…
There were moments when I would witness someone quietly reading my gardening manifesto in the form of this zine and then they would come and chat with me. Those conversations will stay with me forever. Those interactions were precious. Those moments of connection made the risk of putting it out there, even in this very small way, so very worth it. To connect with others in that way brings all of the emotions to the surface in the best way.
I create with the sole intention of processing & expressing what is in my heart. That is enough. That is everything. The expressing. The making. That magical healing power of creating. If it speaks to another heart: bonus! Being vulnerable, being willing to be seen, placing value on the process rather than the product, and having created the thing in the first place. That is what matters.
We are ALL artists. We each have our own unique ways of expressing what is in our hearts whether it is creating a painting, song, meal, community, poem, garden, healing…
Go make some art and then be sure to share it with me:)